Does a bear sh__ in the woods?

Posted on Tue 01/26/10 in Fatherhood

I suppose a better question would be, “Does a kid poop at the park?”
Unfortunately, I had to hear the following story secondhand from my wife (rather than actual witness), but it still delights and disgusts me at the same time.

At the park across the street from our house, there is a particular spot behind some bushes where the kids all play and hide, and we generally try to keep them from going over there. So, Ethan comes out from behind those bushes and walks up to Beth with his pants are a bit out of alignment. Beth tells him that he should tell her when he has to pee, and she’ll take him home to the bathroom — although, I usually tell him to pick a tree.
He proceeds to explain that he didn’t pee back there; he pooped. He proudly reveals that he didn’t poop in his pants. He shows Beth his semi-clean undies. She follows him to the spot. Beth rounds the bush and sees only a small poop nugget — not a big deal. But, Ethan then points to the 6” turd resting nearby on the ground. Fantastic.

She tried to take away his triumph by telling him that we don’t poop in the woods, but he gloats that he didn’t go in his pants (which happens occasionally when playing real hard). I figure if he can learn to wipe his butt with a leaf, he’ll be the youngest Eagle Scout alive, so more power to him.

Note to self: Tread lightly behind the bushes at the park, and watch out for torpedoes.