Knowledge from a 4-year-old

Posted on Tue 07/13/10 in Fatherhood, Read the post

I took Ethan and McKenzie to our neighbor’s birthday party on Sunday. The kids played great, except for a small incident which resulted in Ethan losing his cake as it was being served. Some crying and tantrum ensued, but it was diffused quickly by a few minutes of sitting outside and talking.

Snapping Turtles

Posted on Mon 05/17/10 in Fatherhood, Read the post

The other night I was drying Ethan off after his bath, and he asked, “Dad, why do some boys have bigger penises and some have smaller penises?” I told him that God makes each of us different. Ethan then proclaimed that he has a big penis.

I was reading a book about animals to Ethan before bed.

Favorite Sayings

Posted on Sat 04/10/10 in Fatherhood, Read the post

At my house, we play a lot of “Remembery” (a.k.a. Memory or Match). Ethan is quite good and is really fun to play against. Last night Beth, Ethan and I had a three way match. Below are some of Ethan’s best sayings:

Who's not in bed?

Posted on Wed 03/31/10 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Last night ethan was watching a show in the living room before bed, and Beth and I were watching Lost in our room… about 9:30ish. We had put McKenzie to bed about thirty minutes prior. While engulfed in Lost, I hear… “Mommy!” So, I go check it out.

Quirks, Smarts and Wit

Posted on Thu 03/25/10 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Ethan is now four-years-old and McKenzie is two. With increasing frequency my kids shock me with their perception of [what I consider] complex concepts and crack me up with their wit. Here’s a few recent examples:

Where da poop is?

Posted on Wed 03/10/10 in Fatherhood, Read the post

We recently converted McKenzie’s crib into a bed, since she was climbing out of the crib. Surprisingly, she sleeps and naps in it without a fight. So, I am at the doctor getting my knee checked out when I receive the following text messages from my wife…

Coaches' Soccer Game

Posted on Mon 02/15/10 in Fatherhood, Read the post

This weekend, I experienced the game of fútbol from a new perspective: as a player. Sure, I’ve been the assistant coach of my four-year-old’s soccer team for months now, but I never actually learned the rules or understood much of the strategy. We didn’t keep score or have goalies (or as I now properly call “keepers”), so it was hard to really see the game in its full complexity.

Does a bear sh__ in the woods?

Posted on Tue 01/26/10 in Fatherhood, Read the post

I suppose a better question would be, “Does a kid poop at the park?”
Unfortunately, I had to hear the following story secondhand from my wife (and not first hand), but it still delights and disgusts me at the same time…

Chin meets tile

Posted on Wed 01/13/10 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Last night, McKenzie came running through the kitchen, tripped over Beth’s feet, and stopped her fall with her chin. After we stopped the bleeding, we took her to the ER. Luckily, the Dr.

After dinner tea party

Posted on Wed 12/30/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

As I am finishing dinner, McKenzie walks around the table to my side. She puts her hand out for me finger and says, “Come with me, Daddy.” She leads me to her room. She tosses the pillow from the rocking chair on the ground and instructs me to “sit.” I sit. She starts meowing and petting the stone kitty on the ground, which had previously belonged to her Great-Grandmother. She points and giggles and utters some cute babble, so I decide to pet the cat, too.

No time to spare

Posted on Mon 12/21/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

We had Ethan’s 4th Birthday Party at our house this weekend. It was pretty much an all-boy Transformers, bounce house, go nuts party. The weather could not have been more perfect. The kids had a blast — several kids actually asked if they could come back for a play-date some time. Sure! If you don’t have kids, you might not realize this next fact: the true measure of a party’s success is the number of kids who poop or pee their pants.

Can I play video games?

Posted on Thu 12/17/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Ethan is addicted to video games. Beth is a bit distraught about it, but I think it’s fine. He still enjoys going to the park, playing LEGOs, reading books, wrestling, cooking, etc. It’s just that he asks to play video games constantly. This morning, Ethan woke up at 5:30am. He came into our room, and the first words were, “Daddy, can I play a video game.”

On the sidelines

Posted on Mon 12/14/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

I’ve been the assistant coach on Ethan’s soccer team for about a month and a half. My job is primarily to keep the bench from turning into complete insanity. It certainly has its ups and downs. The personalities on the team range from driven and focused to fantasizing and care-free; age seems to divide the spectrum.

Second Wind

Posted on Sat 11/21/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

I’d like to take a moment to thank my wife for keeping nap time alive. I’m not sure what her trick is, as most parents with two kids our age recall nap time as a dismal, distant memory.

The man of the house

Posted on Fri 11/20/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

One of my favorite discoveries as a parent is that young children are great at warding off telemarketers. When my wife or I get a telemarketer call, we tell them we need to put the man of the house on. We then hand the phone over to Ethan, out outspoken three-year-old. The conversation on our side goes something like this, with variation each time.

You're Married?

Posted on Thu 11/19/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Bedtime questions with Ethan are always amusing and often catch us off guard. As parents, we are forced to make on-the-fly decisions about how to answer questions we simply “know” the answers to. Explaining them to our kids is often a bit more challenging than knowing the answers.

My blood ate my homework.

Posted on Tue 11/17/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

At least I won’t be shocked when I get the stories about what happened to my kids’ homework because I’m already getting them. This weekend, the kids and I were out back enjoying the glorious Florida fall weather. I am trying to lure the kids from the side of the house to the back where we had been playing. It went like this:

3 Year Olds, Dude

Posted on Sun 11/15/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Ethan had his first soccer game on Saturday. He plays in a boys 5 and under league. The cutoff date was 2 weeks after his birthday, so, at 3, he’s one of the younger kids in the league.

The particulars

Posted on Thu 11/05/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Once in the cup, the transition to her mouth takes only a second, and she’s panhandling for more marshmallows as fluffy white sugar oozes out of her eyes and ears.

God or Mommy

Posted on Fri 06/26/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

It is true that the human race turns to religion in plight. When we face peril or a tragedy we may call on God for the answer or strength to cope. This situation is epitomized in prison, especially when an inmate is on death row. There is no escape. There are no rights. There is no sense of life.

Dear McKenzie; You are one!

Posted on Tue 03/24/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Wow! A year has gone by since we brought you into the world. It seems like yesterday. With the second child, unfortunately, time does seem accelerated. Everyone has been having a great time with you. You’re very charming, friendly, beautiful, rough, competitive, observant, funny, and faster than a llama! And one thing is for sure… you do NOT like wearing a dress.

Cheerios

Posted on Wed 01/28/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Last night at dinner, Ethan dumped an entire Tupperware filled with Cheerios onto McKenzie’s high chair tray. There must have been about 10000 of them. McKenzie started digging in. When I came into the kitchen to see why Beth was lecturing Ethan, I lost it. The discipline session was over. The sight was hilarious.

It sticks to the walls

Posted on Wed 01/28/09 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Potty training stinks (literally), at least at our house. We’re training Ethan now. Peeing in the toilet is no problem, although he still wets the bed if we give him drinks before he falls asleep. And occasionally he’s having too much fun to stop and hit the bathroom, so he’ll pee wherever he’s at. But, yesterday I was served something I would only wish upon my worst enemy.

Gag Rule

Posted on Thu 11/20/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

It’s funny the way we think about kids sometimes. I guess you just think that certain things are learned, rather than being part of the base package. For example, when Ethan sees ants on the ground, he likes to get his mouth about an inch from them and yell at them at the top of his lungs. Who taught him that? I’ve certainly never done that, and I would suppose Beth hasn’t either.

Dear McKenzie, Month 8

Posted on Fri 11/14/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

However we call you, it is always with endearment. Yes, even during our nightly 3am rendezvous for a diaper change, a bottle, and some rocking… even when you refuse to sleep for mom during the day… and even when you spray pureed peas all over the kitchen… we always think you are nothing short of the absolute prettiest little thing south of the North Pole.

2.4 Miles

Posted on Tue 10/28/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Seriously — some of the most fun I have is when I’m playing with my kids. I really and truly just ran over two miles with my two-year-old. No, I wasn’t carrying him. Shortly after dinner, he asked to use the computer. Approved. He logged on to his Windows XP account loaded his new favorite application: Rhapsody — a subscription-based online music jukebox which allows you to listen to pretty much everything. I’ve made Ethan a playlist of kids songs and such, but he has fallen deeply in love my punk rock playlist.

By myself, all day, with both kids

Posted on Sat 10/18/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

As Quincy from the Little Einsteins says, “I cannot believe it!” Both kids are sleeping. I don’t quite know what happened, but I guess I do soak up the tips and tricks Beth regularly feeds me. Naptime is always a delicate matter, put I pulled it off. Good thing, too, because it’s only 2pm and I’m exhausted. Beth left to take a test at 8am and won’t be home until 6:30pm tonight. Yeah — I’m sure you mom’s (or stay-at-home dads) out there are rofling on the floor laughing, but I’ve never said it was easy.

Against the Code

Posted on Thu 10/02/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

As I'm sure I've previously mentioned on several occasions, there is a code that parents are supposed to follow. There are certain underlying protocols that lead to healthy, well behaved children (well, supposedly). Tonight was one of those instances where the code was broken.

Karate Class

Posted on Tue 09/30/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

We, as parents, are constantly trying to find activities our kids enjoy. Music class, Soccer Tots, art explosion, gymnastics, and Little Sluggers are among some of the choices. Our little Ethan tends to get a bored with some of these classes about half way in.

Don't you understand?

Posted on Thu 09/25/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

When I became a parent, I found myself hearing things coming from my mouth that seemed unnatural. Discipline, for example, is something I never really had to execute on someone else. So, the first time I had to look my smiling son in the eye and tell him to stay in the corner, I had a hard time holding it together and not bursting into a fit of laughter. It was funny to hear myself saying these types of things. Over time it gets easier and feels more natural.

Hair-dresser Madness

Posted on Mon 09/15/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

So, last week was that time of the quarter again — haircut day. It’s not that I don’t like haircuts, I just don’t like taking the time to get one. You see, in high school I played football and shaved my head (no hair-dresser required). Then, in college I let my hair grow for two years (again, no hair-dresser required). But, on occasion, Beth tells me it’s time for a cut.

Dear McKenzie, 5 months

Posted on Mon 08/18/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Oh McKenzie… you are already 5 months old this week and moving closer and closer to being out of the infant stage. As people say, kids do not stay babies for long. Since you started smiling probably 3 months ago, you’ve never seemed to stop. Simply put, you are a happy, easy baby….

Politely Excused

Posted on Wed 07/16/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

When I come home from work, my greeting varies from lots of hugs and “Daddy’s home!” to a household of slumber. Sometimes the moods are lively and cheerful, and other times I hear whining in 7.1 surround sound. Subsequently, I feel Beth out for how her day was and adjust my attention to compensate. For a rough day, I grab McKenzie and start feeing her while I rebuild Ethan’s train set for the 1000th time (each more enjoyable than the previously destroyed track : \ On the terrible days, Beth naps when I get home. On most days I find a happy family, ready to wrestle or play Play-doh, navigate You Tube in search of garbage truck videos, or have a dance party….

7:30p. The Family Room. Two Kids

Posted on Sat 06/14/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Why was my wife passed out in the family room, on the floor at 7:30pm? Short answer would be “The kids got her.”

4cm Update

Posted on Mon 03/24/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

So, where were we… it’s been a while since I’ve had a few minutes to just sit and do nothing. I have no immediate duties or responsibilities; just waiting. This is a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time. So, here’s an update.

Today is Beth’s 30th birthday. We figured what would be more fun than for us both to take the day off and go have a baby (hence, the article’s title). Beth is sleeping after having an epidural and her water broken. She’s feeling good now. She’s all in position, having contractions, the baby is moving down the chute, and the cervix is thinning as it should be. I am hoping she’ll deliver in a couple hours so I can get her birthday dinner from Outback (per her request). I’m playing chess online, doing homework, and waiting for the cafeteria to open in 15 minutes!

The Ethan strikes Two

Posted on Mon 01/07/08 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Last night, I woke up possibly more alert than ever.
Ethan decided at 2am that he needed to play with his trucks.
So, he got up and opened the door to the garage, which is locked from the outside, but not from the inside. This immediately set off the house alarm, which is EXTREMELY loud.

Dear Ethan, Year 1, Month 6

Posted on Mon 06/11/07 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Dear Ethan,

I’m finding out that having you in my life has caused some modifications to my emotional catalog. I admit that I’m a sensitive guy; I care about what people I admire think about me; I express love and disappointment when appropriate; I also enjoy Strawberry-flavored milk and long walks on the beach. But, it has been extremely rare in my life that I’d become overwhelmed with emotion that tears actually shed.

Dear Ethan, year 1, month 2 (weekend update)

Posted on Tue 02/20/07 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Dear Ethan,

This weekend was pretty insane, a bit scary, and had no truly fun parts about it; however, our little family did share many special moments. For lack of better words, I’ll call these special moments excessive vomiting.

It started Thursday night as mommy and I wound down after a long day, happy that Friday was just half an Earth’s turn away. You woke from your brief sleep about nine o’clock and were crying. This was unusual. I went in to check on you. You were standing up, holding the hand rails of your crib and crying with your eyes closed. As you felt me enter the room, your eyes opened. As you watched me bend down to pick you up, your mouth opened. I blinked. I then remember feeling like a tomato on a salad with an extra order of blue cheese.

Dear Ethan, year 0, month 10

Posted on Tue 10/03/06 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Dear Ethan,

As I am sitting down at the computer, I am listening to you protest your having to take a nap. You are probably standing up in your crib with tears pouring down your face. But, I guess this is the hard part of parenting. I cannot come in and pick you up. That would mean that YOU dictate when naptime is over, when we both know that mom dictates when naptime is over — and it’s not over till you get at least 20 minutes of shut-eye. Oh… there ya go… you’ve stopped crying now and are beginning to slip into la la land.

Dear Ethan, year 0, month 9

Posted on Sun 10/01/06 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Dear Ethan,

Well, this month it started. You are mobile. Within a span of a few days, you went from a frustrated turtle, to a crawling machine. Mom and I were amazed to find you following us from room to room. People have said to us that kids are easy when they are waking up five times a night, crying and unable to successfully communicate. They tell us to enjoy being able to put them down and have them be there when you come back. I now understand completely. As I am writing this, Ethan has crawled across the room, climbed up the chair I’m on, is standing and tugging on my PJ’s and saying “da da dda d aa da dad!” I guess writing this article will have to take a hiatus.

Dear Ethan, year 0, month 8

Posted on Thu 08/24/06 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Dear Ethan,

Here comes your first lesson on procrastination. So, in case you are old enough to have noticed, your month seven letter is gone like the wind. It came and went and mom and dad… well, let’s just say that we took a little vacation. OK… honestly, we simply procrastinated and without a boss or teacher to issue a grade, we dropped the ball… missed our mark… didn’t get it done.

Dear Ethan, year 0, month 7

Posted on Tue 07/18/06 in Fatherhood, Read the post

(click the above image to enlarge)

Dear Ethan,

Month 7 is like so 6 weeks ago.
Enjoy the pictures and find it in your heart to allow your parents this one mulligan.

Love,
Mom and Dad

Dear Ethan, year 0, month 6

Posted on Mon 07/03/06 in Fatherhood, Read the post

(click the above image to enlarge)

Dear Ethan,

It’s been five days since you and mom left for Tampa, and I can hardly stand to be without you. Taking you to the airport for the second time was a treat, although watching mom unload you onto the metal detector conveyer belt is a bit scary. Just kidding.

Dear Ethan, year 0, month 5

Posted on Thu 05/18/06 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Dear Ethan,

Things are starting to get really fun. You have become ticklish and are laughing out loud… actually, cracking up. Your personality is becoming apparent: you are filled with energy and are very sociable. I often hear compliments about how you’ll let just about anyone hold you without any fuss (and believe me, everyone wants to). But, you do still give the “mommy cry,” when only mommy can calm you down — she has these like secret techniques that only work for her. When will I get secret daddy techniques?

What's that smell?

Posted on Wed 05/10/06 in Fatherhood, Read the post

This morning I came home from the gym (around 6am) to find little Ethan squirming in his bed. I knew that mom hadn’t heard him yet, so I took the reigns and decided to squeeze a feeding into the 30 mins I had before leaving for work.

Well, as expected (since he had eaten prunes the day before and hadn’t moved the bowels yet), his diaper was filled with stink.

Dear Ethan, year 0, month 4

Posted on Tue 04/18/06 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Dear Ethan,

YOU SLEEP 12 HOURS STRAIGHT EVERY NIGHT!!!!!
I mean, really, I can’t image you’ll do something to impress your parents more than that! It was amazing. One night you were waking up every four hours to feed or be held. And then your mom and I were looking at each other with curious delight one morning:

“Did you feed him last night,” I asked her.

Dear Ethan, year 0, month 3

Posted on Sat 03/18/06 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Dear Ethan,

Today marks the end of your third month of life. Your greatest accomplishment thus far is your finding some way to drastically accelerate the fourth dimension: time.

Dear Ethan, year 0, month 2

Posted on Tue 02/28/06 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Dear Ethan,

I am writing to you today on only four hours of sleep. It seems that you are a true son of mine, waking up earlier and earlier as your responsibilities increase. Now that you are in your second month, you are not only expected to eat, cry, sleep and poop, but you are also expected to smile, laugh, stand up, follow objects, recognize mom and dad, as well as eat, cry, sleep and poop.

Don't have a cow, man!

Posted on Sat 01/07/06 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Here are two quickies from the last 24 hours, providing a glimpse into the life of a first-time mother of a newborn baby. The following exemplifies the kind of help a mother wants… and the kind of help a mother actually receives:

The help mommy wants…

After a breast-feeding marathon last night for our growth-spurting son, I finally awoke from deep slumber and offered to take our baby out of the room for a few hours to give mom some solid rest.
When I returned to the room a couple hours later I asked my exhausted wife, “Honey, can I get you anything?”

“Aaaa cooouuurrhh,” she moaned.

Today's Kids and their Uber-Distractive Portable Electronic Babysitters

Posted on Sat 12/31/05 in Fatherhood, Read the post

While I was waiting in the deli line at Publix today, I looked down to my side and saw a five-year-old kid sporting earbud headphones and an iPod.

New Turf

Posted on Wed 12/28/05 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Just minutes ago, I had a bonding moment with my son. I was changing his diaper, which I now do with extreme speed (I can even do it in my sleep, multiple times in a row if necessary).

As I was putting Vaseline on his newly circumcised penis, I noticed what looked like a clear string attached to the head.

Brit Milah

Posted on Mon 12/26/05 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Almost four thousand years ago, God spoke to Abram and established a covenant: throughout the generations, every Jewish male would be circumcised on the eight day following his birth, health permitting. This removal of the ‘veil’ of the foreskin represented the deeper removal of the veils that separate us from God, encouraging our discovery of the divine sparks within us.

As with Abraham, the first forefather of the Jewish people, who received the name “Abraham” after his circumcision, the child receives his Hebrew name at the time of the Bris.

Ethan is Born

Posted on Sun 12/25/05 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Today is Day 6 Day 8 (I’ve been busy) of Ethan’s life. He was born last Sunday, December 18th, at Memorial Hospital Miramar.

It's time....

Posted on Sat 12/17/05 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Beth’s water just broke while we were laying down in bed watching TV. So, we’re off to the hospital. More to come… :)

I'm a pony! I'm a pony!

Posted on Wed 12/14/05 in Fatherhood, Read the post

My friend’s daughter, Lisette, is three-years-old.

She was in the grocery this week when she pointed at a magazine and said, “Look, mommy, it’s Uncle Aaron and Aunt Beth!”

The picture was of celebrities Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.

Needless to say, Beth was flattered.

Pizza Hut Kids Night

Posted on Tue 11/22/05 in Fatherhood, Read the post

My wife and I knew we wanted Pizza Hut for dinner. What we did not know is that our dinner would coincide with Kids Night.
Picture an entire restaurant PACKED with lunatic kids, screaming and attacking each other with balloon-swords, slobbering on the pizza buffet island, and each with his face painted like a rabbit or an Egyptian monk.

A taste of life after kids.

Posted on Mon 11/14/05 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Besides lying in bed with my wife and watching her belly change shapes every few minutes, this weekend was filled with parental-type events.

On Saturday, we attended our neighbor’s daughter’s 2-year-old birthday party for several hours. The party consisted of about ten Polish moms, eight kids, my wife, and me—oh yeah, and the little girl’s dad.

Three Months Till Blastoff

Posted on Tue 10/18/05 in Fatherhood, Read the post

Today is right around the the seven month mark of our pregnancy. I am amazed each day of the increasing size of my wife’s belly.

The Babies 'R' Us Connection

Posted on Thu 09/22/05 in Fatherhood, Read the post

I’ve been to Babies R Us several times in the last five months. It is a place like no other, so I make sure to pay close attention to what is happening there. One observation is that nearly every couple shopping there is pregnant or has an infant child.

4 Months B.C.

Posted on Fri 09/09/05 in Fatherhood, Read the post

I’ve decided to make a category of articles about my experiences as a father; this being the first entry. And some day, when I implement clean urls, you will be able to select the FATHERHOOD category and view all the related posts, in chronological order.

The birth is due in four months – January.